Finding Safety Inside of Your Shame
Coming home to your true self allows you to forgive yourself and to see that whatever mistakes you have made or the perceived flaws you carry are not who you truly are.
The False Notion of Being “Perfect”
I know how hard it is to look directly at ourselves and forgive ourselves for the mistakes we have made: when we didn’t know better and we lied to people, we hid, we distanced, and we performed and tried to seem better than we actually felt we were. Humans have an inherent need to belong. We want to be accepted. It’s biological and psychological and, in this day and age, the only ways to be accepted seem to be to look perfect, to say and do all the right things, to have the best job and to make the most money, to wear the nicest clothes, to drive the best car, and to live in the wealthiest neighborhood. And this is asking way too much of any of us because you will never “get there.” There will always be someone who does it “better” in some way. Have you ever noticed this?
When You Don’t Feel Worthy of Receiving the Love You Truly Want
The problem for so many of us is that we don’t feel that we are worthy of accepting love. We feel inherently “bad” and this makes us believe that we are undeserving of good things, kindness, attention, pleasure, or love. Shame came in at some point and froze us into the belief of “I am not worthy of…unless I am perfect in some way: the smartest, the most athletic, the most beautiful, the best at….” The work you and I do together is to unfreeze that shame so that we can access those deeper false beliefs of unworthiness so that you can actually believe in your lovability and goodness once again—even if it has been decades since you last believed it; even if you only got to know it existed for 10 minutes of your life. You were born being good enough and, because of that, we can help you find it again.
When you can’t access the belief that you deserve good things, it runs your life in every aspect of your life. It affects your ability to find true love or the career you want. It blocks your pathway toward financial abundance. It harms your health because the stress from your false beliefs play havoc on your stress hormones in your body. Often you numb yourself with food, drugs, alcohol, gambling, shopping, over-exercising, starvation, or sex to avoid the deep pain of loneliness and believing you are unlovable in this world. And that affects your body, mind, and soul.
You Are Not Really Alone in Your Healing Journey
The truth is that you are not really alone in your healing. There are many people out in the world (myself included) who can hold the exact space you need, who can attune with where your mind and nervous system are presently living, and who can simply be with you without forcing you to change or judging you for your past mistakes or your current struggles. By doing this, we help you accept yourself where you are now, even if you don’t love how you are now. We accept what is before we change anything. This allows your nervous system to become more regulated and out of activation. Then change becomes easier and more automatic. This is the beauty of finding people who have gone into their own shadows and struggles, healed, and come out the other side. There is no reason or room for any judgment because we have already seen our ugliest and prettiest sides and learned to love them both in wholeness, compassion, and non-judgment.
Finding Your Own Inner Sanctuary
Finding safety within your own heart is the only way to go. Once you see that “out there” no one is going to make you feel worthy enough, it becomes the time to turn inward and be your own cheerleader and best friend. It’s time for you to be the mother or father you never had growing up. It’s time to rediscover how much power you actually do have to make your life your own and to play by your own rules.
Coming home to your true self allows you to forgive yourself for your mistakes and see that, underneath the false beliefs, you are a whole soul who is love. Pure and simple. Your trauma and wounding, your programs, stories, and conditioning have created these false narratives and shame. Our minds need answers so they fill in the blanks and these stories are not necessarily the truth. The goal of a human life is simply to remember who you are. The YOU that is already whole and good.
Please contact me today for help with learning how to fully accept and love yourself no matter the mistakes or flaws you have made. After all, you did the very best you could with the tools you had at the time. And for most of us, we are working with a really skimpy toolbox.
